Never Enough

Someone at book club recommends Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It by Jennifer Breheny Wallace, so I got it from the library on audiobook. The book description says, "In the ever more competitive race to secure the best possible future, today’s students face unprecedented pressure to succeed. They jam-pack their schedules with AP classes, fill every waking hour with resume-padding activities, and even sabotage relationships with friends to “get ahead.” Family incomes and schedules are stretched to the breaking point by tutoring fees and athletic schedules. Yet this drive to optimize performance has only resulted in skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression, and even self-harm in America’s highest achieving schools. Parents, educators, and community leaders are facing the same quandary: how can we teach our kids to strive towards excellence without crushing them? In Never Enough, award-winning reporter Jennifer Breheny Wallace investigates the deep roots of toxic achievement culture, and finds out what we must do to fight back. Drawing on interviews with families, educators, and an original survey of nearly 6,000 parents, she exposes how the pressure to perform is not a matter of parental choice but baked in to our larger society and spurred by increasing income inequality and dwindling opportunities. As a result, children are increasingly absorbing the message that they have no value outside of their accomplishments, a message that is reinforced by the media and greater culture at large. Through deep research and interviews with today’s leading child psychologists, Wallace shows what kids need from the adults in the room is not more pressure, but to feel like they matter, and have intrinsic self-worth not contingent upon external achievements. Parents and educators who adopt the language and values of mattering help children see themselves as a valuable contributor to a larger community. And in an ironic twist, kids who receive consistent feedback that they matter no matter what are more likely to have the resilience, self-confidence, and psychological security to thrive."

This was a great read. I already feel like the topic is something that's been important to me subconsciously for years as a parent, but I liked how this addressed it so directly. The premise of the book is the importance of children understanding that they matter--outside of achievement or success or anything else. They just matter. This is something that is emphasized in my religion as well, but I liked how the book gave lots of real-life examples and helped me see times I may unintentionally be putting pressure on my kids or making them feel like I care about their achievement too much. I think this is an important read, and I'm glad I read it before my daughter starts high school. (We live in a pretty competitive academic environment, so I think it was a good pre-high school read for that reason.) Highly recommended!

Rating: * * * (3/3 = Loved it)